Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The real Christmas newsletter

I could write the good version of the family recap like everyone else does, but instead, how 'bout I keep it real?

This year has been a goodie! We have all grown and learned and become better people.

Ethan's feet are still problematic. We like to call them his two failure or two disappointments. Because they have failed at their job of being feet, Ethan has contracted scoliosis. So that means lots of money handed over to the eager chiropractor. Ethan continues to be a stellar golfer. Stellar golfers require a lot of time on the course, so that can cause stellar fights between us. Good times.

Jack has had a banner year in comparison to kindergarten, which I would call a disaster. This year, he is learning to read and write really well. He really enjoys art too. We consider this year better than kindergarten because he has yet to draw a picture of our family with Ethan sporting a massive triumphant penis.

Van enjoys crying about everything for no particular reason. He has also gotten really good at screaming at a very high pitched frequency. When he does that, I spank him like it's a reflex. Kidding. Van also specializes in getting up in Violet's face at any available moment. She doesn't respond well to his tactics. She usually screams at him and hits him. They are best friends.

Violet FINALLY decided to walk. After lazing about for 18 months, she decided to get a little exercise and start moving. And boy could she use it. That caboose of her's was getting a little too rotund for my liking. Violet likes eating crackers and not a whole lot else. If the world's food supply was suddenly zapped away by aliens and all that was left were graham crackers, Violet would be the queen of the world.

As for me, I am still over weight with no good excuse for it. I like to make food for my family that they think is too healthy. I spend lots of time folding laundry after the kids go to bed and I work hard to run a tight ship. I spend a lot of time volunteering at the school so Jack is the teacher's subconscious favorite. And after a whole year, I finally learned to curl my hair right.

Merry Christmas and Happiest of New Years from the Ingram Family


  1. Oh my gosh, I was laughing so hard about the "massive triumphant penis" (I still am as I write this) that my kids came running into the office to see what was so funny! I loved this, as I do all your writing!

  2. 1-Every kid should know how to draw a massive penis.

    2-spanking is most certainly a reflex for that ungodly high pitched squeal scream

    3-how does one curl their hair right? I need in on this secret?

  3. I finally learned how to curl my hair right, today! TODAY!

    And we shall discuss Jack's version of Ethan's triumphant penis tonight.

    Also, this is my favorite post of all time. ALL TIME.

  4. HA. Loved it.

    Hey good news for Ethan and the penis was massive. A teeny weeny would have been worse :)

  5. Hahahha I have to agree with Shannon about bursting out loud with laughings!!! Also, this was a hilarious post and te comments added were as hilarious. Haha especially the one about lucky for Ethan that it was a massive penis. Hahah