Dear Triathletes, I hate triathalon season. All of the sudden, summer hits and the lap pools are completely full because all ya'll are trainin'. Ugh. Early spring, winter- nothing. I can have a whole lane to myself. But no, not anymore. I hate triathalon season. I don't think I will swim until the fall.
Dear E!, forget "Keeping Up With The Kardashians". I want to watch "Keeping Up With Bruce and Scott".
Dear Ethan, when we start watching a show together on Hulu or Netflix and you go ahead and watch some episodes on your own while I am asleep, that is infidelity. I hope you have made an appointment with Bishop Gurney for a confesh sesh.
Dear Costco and Maceys, my apologies for my incredibly poorly behaved children today. It's like they were raised by wolves! Damn it Jack and Van! Stop running all over the place, wrestling in the middle of the baking aisle and putting random treats in my cart!
Dear Jack and Van, despite you terribly behavior, I love you both deeply. It makes me so happy that you two love each other.
Dear Violet, happiest congratulations on your first time singing the ABC's by yourself! I am so impressed.
Dear "New Girl", seriously. I mean seriously! You kill me! You are like a funnies factory! Best show ever.
Dear Primary Election Tomorrow, please don't have a long line at the polling place. I have to bring my kids. They can suck sometimes at behaving well in situations like voting.
Dear Olympics, can't wait to hang out.
Dear People That Complain About The Same Things All The Time, give it up. We know how you feel. You would be so much more fun to talk to if you would just talk about something else.
Dear Pixar, excellent job on "Brave". I loved it. I cried.