Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Life Story Part 3: Newlywed bliss, sort of

At the suggestion of Courtney, I have been writing my life stories. I actually am almost done and let me tell you, things get pretty vulnerable. And it has been really hard to write the hard stuff. To revisit hasn't been pleasant. But once I got through the tough stuff, I have felt awesome. You should try this life story writing business. It's pretty telling. 

Life Story Part 1 HERE

Life Story Part 2 HERE

Life Story Part 3: Newlywed bliss, sort of

On March 7, 2003, we stepped out of the Los Angeles temple in black and white, fresh from saying our yes’s and committing to an eternity together. The weather had been nasty all week. Raining and gray. But on our day, the sky was clear and everything green and perfect. I knew God wouldn’t let it rain on our day and I kept repeating that mantra all week.

Our evening reception will always be remembered as a dance party. After dining on crab salad and mint chocolate wedding cake, Ethan’s party hardy family hit the dance floor. I remember watching my sisters dance with each other and my husband’s aunts touch-step the night away and I felt so happy. Ethan and I basked in the glow of everyone’s genuine happiness for us.

After our honeymoon, we unwrapped our wedding gifts and made a home in our little two bedroom apartment in Azusa, CA. Our apartment was old and rundown, but we didn’t care. We had so much fun setting up our life together. One day, I had told Ethan of my desire to turn our fenced in back patio into a garden. And the next week, he surprised me with my own little oasis, full of herb planters, potted flowers and a little table and chairs. I felt like my green-thumb mother as I watered my plants every evening as the sun set.

Since I was no longer on a “daddy payroll”, I had to get a job and contribute to our life. I found a job working at a car dealership in the next city over, answering phones and charging people for their oil changes for their expensive, shiny sedans. And as young newlyweds often are, we were as poor as they come. We had one car that Ethan drove me to work in each day.

In our first year of marriage, we argued a lot. We argued over Ethan’s change in affection towards me and my immature logic. We had difficulty in communicating our emotional needs in our relationship and spent many evenings fighting. When it came to support and affection towards me, it was almost like a flip had switched for Ethan. In later years, we would discover that the deep pain, lack of emotional support and discouragement of showing emotion during Ethan’s mother’s death would be to blame for his inability to convey love and affection. But during that first year, I was very confused and took a lot of solace in my job and eating my way through my struggle, putting on 20 pounds.

Even though we had difficulty in learning how to be married, we always had our fallback- humor. We could always made each other laugh and our evenings fighting were made up in quadruple the amount of evenings making each other laugh.

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