Saturday, June 29, 2013

Where I am right now

Where I am at right now with emotional eating:
My Girl's Camp food duty is coming to a head and I am happy to report that my faithful assistant and I just might be able to pull it off without any major disasters. But I will say that I have stress-eaten myself into a frenzy. I have eaten so much garbage, lots of garbage. And I feel horrible. I am gearing up to come home from camp and hit the hell out of the gym and get back on track. I had a little chat with myself a few weeks ago and I said, "Self, these next few weeks will be rough as you prepare to feed at least 540 people a day for 4 days. We are taking a break from the gym and eating smart. Go ahead, eat that cupcake and enjoy the euphoria that you feel as you lick your fingers clean. Enjoy it now. It won't kill you. We will worry about the extra 10 pounds when you get home from camp." Okay, then!

Where I am at right now with same-sex marriage issue:
The big same-sex marriage debate had a big moment this last week. And I am fine with it. In the last few years, I have had such a passion for the good ol' saying "Jesus said love everyone". And I am apart of a church that worships him and I try to live my life as he would. It's hard for me to articulate my tender feelings on the issue. But I can just say this: If you are LGTB and you have no where to turn, you are welcome to the Ingram home. We love you like Jesus does. And we really mean it. And I make really good comfort food. The kind of food that will heal all your hurts.

Where I am with birth:
Lately, I have become very aware of how odd I am when it comes to having babies. In my generation, people take this birthing thing seriously. They have a birthing plan, they have a photographer, they have a fancy hospital gown, they have all these methods of raising the kid. They show pictures of their gooey baby on their bare chest as they cry tears of joy. They write stories of feeling powerful, womanly and spiritual. I swear it's everyone around me. But for me, lately I have just noticed how far away I was from that. When I had my first baby, I was barely 21. While I was pregnant, I was incredibly embarrassed. I didn't buy a single thing for my baby until I had to when I was 2 weeks away from my due date. And even then, I could't make eye contact with anyone in the store. I was too young and I knew it. When my baby did arrive, I didn't shed a tear. I didn't feel that zing of femininity. I felt ugly, fat and blubbery. And nothing made me more uncomfortable than nursing. With each child, I gave specific instructions to the nurses that I didn't want my baby on my bare skin. I didn't feel the urge to hold my baby right away. Looking at other people now, I am so different from them. Nothing made me feel uglier than giving birth. I know, weird.

1 comment:

  1. dear whit. you will rock girl's camp. i know it.

    i feel like we have similar feelings on the same sex thing. we should talk about this.

    um, yeah. i looked like a swollen heffer after i had kade and i hate all the pictures. i didn't glow. i didn't enjoy the labor experience. maybe i missed out on something, i don't know. all i know is i am so glad i am done with all that. and my happy 7 and 8 year old babies are so amazing RIGHT NOW.